I feel like I’m constantly running around in circles again. I’ve tried to make good of what I’ve been given, to let you in and settle, but I’m starting to have my doubts on this. I don’t want to commit into something for which only one of us cared, and only one of us hurt.

Reality is such that I still sit around in the middle of the night crying silent tears, willing myself to fall asleep. I still look back at old messages and wonder if what we have is real, and ongoing, I still filter through photo memories hoping to relief the pent up pain and frustration inside.

Being delusional; I refuse to come to terms with it that I miss you. I miss how I never have to tell you a thing, yet you knew everything; from the problems I’m facing, to how I’m coping and how I’m feeling. I miss having a shoulder to cry on, to have someone to vent my pains to. I simply just miss everything that we had.

Moving on, it isn’t easy. It’s a tough journey walking out from my walls of comfort, but I’ll forever feel safer inside them. I don’t want to get hurt again, and I promised myself not to let another in, giving them the power to hurt me again. But I fell short on my promises to myself, and gave them that opportunity to hurt me once again.

So please don’t make promises you can’t keep with me.

Please don’t bring down my walls, if you’re not planning to be my pillar.

Please don’t make me crave for your support, if you’re not planning to stay.

Please don’t get my hopes up high, if you’re not going to be here for long.

Unveil my tough exterior, and you’ll see that I’m weak inside. I’m nothing but an insecure bitch that needs assurance from time to time. I’d admit that though my tough front, and aloof attitude, I’ll come across as uncaring and a strong individual, but the truth? I’m nothing but a fucking frail individual whom crumbles at almost everything outside the walls I’ve built.

I’m tired of fighting my demons and the tears that comes at night.

I’m tired of waiting for someone who’d only ever turn their backs to me; thinking that I’ll always be there (I most likely would wait, but I’m done trying and letting others hurt me time and again).

I’m tired of being the bigger person and walking away when the going gets tough.

I’m tired and giving up on trying, although I know I’ll never walk out from the darkness that envelopes me but that is fine, I can live with the dark clouds because I know I’ll be fine on my own.


You’re not the one I can cry my heart out to, because no one will ever measure up and for that, I’m sorry.