rely 0n me.

“那些年错过的大雨, 那些年错过的爱情. 好想拥抱妳; 拥抱错过的勇气. 曾经想征服全世界; 到最後回首才发现, 这世界滴滴点点全部都是妳.”-胡夏(那些年)

I wish you’ll know how hard it is to keep my tears in as I type this post out. I wish you’ll know how much I’m going to miss you, even more than you could imagine. It hurts to know you won't see this, but I still have to say it anyway; just in case you visit this blog. Just in case; just in case you care.

I know that I shouldn’t confess to you through a text message, and just leave everything behind, but I want you to know that it is as hard for me as it is for you. I don’t have the courage to look at you when you find out the truth, and I’m terrified of how you’re going to respond to this. I’m afraid that you’ll ignore me when you know the truth; if you haven’t already know it.

I wish I could hide the way I feel; about you, about everything. It's not like my feelings would matter. But I couldn’t live with myself if I were to keep on lying to you, and keeping up this pretence. Even if it means that you’re going to ignore me, and that it’s going to be awkward between us, I hope you’ll understand I don’t wish to keep on running away, because I’ll end up running in circles again.

As selfish as this may seem, but please allow me to keep my feelings for you, even if you don’t feel the same. If fifty-five lucky stars means “To love you without regrets”; then I hope that with the absence of the stars, these fifty-five reasons would suffice.

I love.... the way you smile.
I love.... the way you have this goofy grin.
I love.... the way you’re always there for someone in need.
I love.... the way the wind tosses your hair.
I love.... the way you act all immature.
I love.... the way you are when you get serious.
I love.... the way you give reason to life.
I love.... the way you are when you're agitated.
I love.... the way you say it right when you say nothing at all.
I love.... the way you’re almost always right.
I love.... the way you walk.
I love.... the way you cheer me up.
I love.... the way you make me smile.
I love.... the way we always cycled out at night.
I love.... the way you always walk me home when it’s late.
I love.... the way we talked for hours on end.
I love.... the way your eyes light up whenever you smile.
I love.... the way you're perfectly imperfect.
I love.... the way you laugh.
I love.... the way you laugh till you cry.
I love.... the way you say hi with a smile.
I love.... the way you’re always so friendly.
I love.... the way you are when you're mad at me.
I love.... the way you complain about things.
I love.... the way you go about those little gentle gestures.
I love.... the way you ‘annoy’ me.
I love.... the way you call me names.
I love.... the way you’re so sensitive to pokes at the waist.
I love.... the way you act all serious to hide the impending laughter.
I love.... the way you hold different expressions on your face.
I love.... the way you give goofy expressions for a photo together.
I love.... the way your eyes held hope and belief without fail.
I love.... the way you always joke around with this ‘YOLO’ attitude.
I love.... the way you always ask to be entertained when you’re tired.
I love.... the way you always keep your spirits high to cheer others on.
I love.... the way you’re so honest about things.
I love.... the way you can express yourself freely.
I love.... the way you’re always doing things for others.
I love.... the way you’re so selfless.
I love.... the way you are so cheeky.
I love.... the way you pretend you don’t care.
I love.... the way you shout out when you’re frustrated.
I love.... the way you’re always the gentleman.
I love.... the way you look when you’re actually scared.
I love.... the way you disturb me when I sleep.
I love.... the way you act when you get tired.
I love.... the way you sound when you’re exhausted.
I love.... the way you look nonchalant towards everything.
I love.... the way you apologize for everything.
I love.... the way we would always bicker about useless stuff.
I love.... the way you’re so ‘ON’ about everything.
I love.... the way you held my hand, even if it was just fooling around.
I love.... the way you snore when you sleep.
I love.... the way you sit on me just to disturb me.
I love.... you.

I promise that I won’t be sad or negative regardless of how you would respond to this, because knowing and loving you have given me the greatest joy in life, and I found my forever even in the minutes we’ve spent together. I’m thankful to have met you, and be able to create so many special moments that I’ll never regret. I can never imagine how things would have been like if I never met you, and never fell for you, but I'm glad I did.

Somewhere inside, I wished you’ll tell me that you feel the same towards me but it’s probably just a wilful thinking on my part. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop myself from falling deeper into this… I’m sorry that I’ve only ever given you problems, but please grant me just this - to keep holding on to this.

I don’t need you to know your reply for this, but I hope you’ll allow me to keep on loving you.