“You've carried on so
long, you couldn't stop if you tried it. You've built your wall so high, that
no one could climb it.” - Labrinth feat. Emeli Sandé (Beneath Your Beautiful)
I don’t know what to feel when I look into your eyes; they held so much emotion that left me breathless. You’re always there for me, always catching my back when I fall. You’re always there, yet somehow not there. I don’t want to make that same mistake I did years ago, I don’t wish to live in regret and false hopes of happiness.
I don’t know what to feel when I look into your eyes; they held so much emotion that left me breathless. You’re always there for me, always catching my back when I fall. You’re always there, yet somehow not there. I don’t want to make that same mistake I did years ago, I don’t wish to live in regret and false hopes of happiness.
Reflections;
I’ve placed thought in this and realized I don’t wish to lie to you anymore.
You mean more than the words could describe, and I cannot lie, not towards you.
I would rather you ignore me, and I ruin what little we have on, than to have
you feeling disappointment towards me for lying and hiding from you.
Piecing up
on everything that I know, of the things people said and observed; you’re so much
more different towards me. Needless to say, it was what strayed and made me
fall deeper in. You made me feel special and loved through your actions, even
when at times we kept up a comfortable silence, just you and me.
My mind is
in turmoil as I desperately tried to let you go, to forget the thundering
affection towards you, and force myself to stay strong; against throwing my
heartfelt feelings at you, in hopes that you’ll catch them even when I fall.
I don’t
know what to think when I was told you felt the same towards me. I don’t know
if I’ll ever be ready to know the truth from you. I realized it wasn’t you who
was ignorant and running from this, it was me. Because I don’t want to ruin
this friendship that we share, the moments that we spent together; I love them,
the good the bad - each and every one of them.
I don’t
wish to make another blunder, and lose someone that I hold dear in my life
again. I prayed that never again will I have to live through that moment of
pain and grief again, but life somehow always plays me out, as if mocking at my
naivety.
You’re not
stupid, because we both know that you saw through my lies yet why are you still
here with me pretending that nothing was ever wrong or misread? Given, you don’t
know the honest truths, but you did realize I’ve been lying to you. So why, why
give me that chance? It just cuts me deeper, because I can never deviate from
the truth forever.
You still
held that same kindness and hopes in your eyes, you’re still that playful self
that disturbs others, you’re still the honest self that doesn’t lie about
themselves, you’re still the kind self that helps everyone when they need it,
you’re still the forgiving self that regardless of how much lie I’ve coated my
words with, you still forgave me.
Perhaps all
of this is a pointless ramble, or another false hope pinned up high, but even
so, I want to stay in this sanctuary of happiness just a little longer. Though
through lies, I still want to carry on this façade of hope.
But because
I love you, allow me to be selfish and continue my lies to protect a broken
heart…
I’m sorry
that I fell for you, I’m sorry that I had to lie and disappoint you, but I’ll
never be sorry for loving you.