10Janaury2013.
It’s been a year since the last; we’re growing older by the
days. As I look back, all the tears, the smiles, the memories all came rushing back. You've always been there for me, regardless of all that has happened, you stood by me, gave me support, and showed me so much. If you were still here, I'll loved to have you celebrate this special day with me..
However you walked out of our lives all so sudden, and left me alone standing here. I wished I could push all the blame, all the pain, all the hurt, EVERYTHING to you... But you're no longer here, you're no longer by my side. What happened? What happened to you staying by my side to watch me grow? What happened to protecting me till I'm old? What happened to all your promises?
However you walked out of our lives all so sudden, and left me alone standing here. I wished I could push all the blame, all the pain, all the hurt, EVERYTHING to you... But you're no longer here, you're no longer by my side. What happened? What happened to you staying by my side to watch me grow? What happened to protecting me till I'm old? What happened to all your promises?
13January2013.
Your words were harsh and it cuts like a knife.
Always throwing the blame onto me. Always making me the one
at fault.
Always. I may be at fault from time to time, but not always.
You need to stop thinking that you know everything! You
fucking don't know anything! Just suck it up! You're not that wise to know
everything! You don't know anything! Fuck! Stop. Just stop this!!
Talking like you know everything. Sigh. I don't every wish
to listen anymore.
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed, and somehow I got caught up in between...It was like I was here, but there. I wished things would go back to where they were once before. I wish I could run and hide.
Chinese Lunar New Year Eve.. It's been a year, we've all grown to become someone better, so much more.. For me, I'm still the same 'ole me, lost within the process of moving on. I wish I could tell you how I feel right now, be it towards you, towards him, towards them... But I've got to hold it in, I've got to stand strong even if I'm alone. No one will ever be there to shelter me even when it rains.
Standing in the crowded room, I felt the urge to breakdown and fall. Why does it feel so lonely even when I'm surrounded by everyone? Why does it seem like I'm always fighting alone with no one to cover my back? Why must I always be the one who stands alone, and not be heard? I wished things were different; I wished things were like before; I wished...
I miss the years that were erased; I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face.
It was an unexpected meeting, to have met you there and then... I wished that I didn't have to push you away, and walked away not looking back. I had my reasons, and I prayed you'll understand. It hurts so much to see you rejected, and what's more, because of me. Sigh. I hope that I could turn back time, and make everything right. None of this should have happened.Shortly after, he called. Panic rose from within. I know I shouldn't have but hearing his voice after so long; drives me insane, and pushes me back to where I was before. It was only at that moment, where by I realized I couldn't walk forward like I thought I could; I couldn't move on; I couldn't face the future with a smiling heart..
On the brighter note, the short meet up with Loner, Sam, Woman, and CL had really made my day. The crazy little jokes, us disturbing Sam about Chester and everything else, the little things all summed up and lightened my heavy heart. Let's all meet up during the holidays, all of us.
To start the day, I had wanted to wish him personally when we met so briefly in the morning. But my voice got caught up and refused to budge. I'm sorry if I had seemed to be ignoring you, or what not. I guess this has become a part of our past already, no? We're walking down two separate paths, and avoiding each other when our paths crossed. I guess, it's the end of us.
We met just the other day, and truthfully, it was rather awkward. The cold silence between us filled the warmth that we used to share. I needed you but I couldn't contact you... Is this what it means to put everything we had over the past years to an end? Is walking away your idea of closure? It's really fine by me, I don't particularly care anymore.
Aside from this, Valentines this year had been good to me. Heh! Despite have to rush with the last few projects, printing all sorts of drawings, feeling horrible... The day itself was good. The unexpected meeting with Jonathan and many others, the unexpected Valentines text from Mummy, the pedobear agreeing to treat me to Starbucks and KOI... If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be smiling here right now. Thank you for everything.
...Because you mean the world to me, that's why losing you took away my smiles. I missed how things used to be. I love the way things were before. Can't we all go back to day one and start all over? </s>
9Febuary2013.
Chinese Lunar New Year Eve.. It's been a year, we've all grown to become someone better, so much more.. For me, I'm still the same 'ole me, lost within the process of moving on. I wish I could tell you how I feel right now, be it towards you, towards him, towards them... But I've got to hold it in, I've got to stand strong even if I'm alone. No one will ever be there to shelter me even when it rains.
Standing in the crowded room, I felt the urge to breakdown and fall. Why does it feel so lonely even when I'm surrounded by everyone? Why does it seem like I'm always fighting alone with no one to cover my back? Why must I always be the one who stands alone, and not be heard? I wished things were different; I wished things were like before; I wished...
I miss the years that were erased; I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face.
12Febuary2013.
It was an unexpected meeting, to have met you there and then... I wished that I didn't have to push you away, and walked away not looking back. I had my reasons, and I prayed you'll understand. It hurts so much to see you rejected, and what's more, because of me. Sigh. I hope that I could turn back time, and make everything right. None of this should have happened.Shortly after, he called. Panic rose from within. I know I shouldn't have but hearing his voice after so long; drives me insane, and pushes me back to where I was before. It was only at that moment, where by I realized I couldn't walk forward like I thought I could; I couldn't move on; I couldn't face the future with a smiling heart..
On the brighter note, the short meet up with Loner, Sam, Woman, and CL had really made my day. The crazy little jokes, us disturbing Sam about Chester and everything else, the little things all summed up and lightened my heavy heart. Let's all meet up during the holidays, all of us.
14Febuary2013.
Valentines.
To start the day, I had wanted to wish him personally when we met so briefly in the morning. But my voice got caught up and refused to budge. I'm sorry if I had seemed to be ignoring you, or what not. I guess this has become a part of our past already, no? We're walking down two separate paths, and avoiding each other when our paths crossed. I guess, it's the end of us.
We met just the other day, and truthfully, it was rather awkward. The cold silence between us filled the warmth that we used to share. I needed you but I couldn't contact you... Is this what it means to put everything we had over the past years to an end? Is walking away your idea of closure? It's really fine by me, I don't particularly care anymore.
Aside from this, Valentines this year had been good to me. Heh! Despite have to rush with the last few projects, printing all sorts of drawings, feeling horrible... The day itself was good. The unexpected meeting with Jonathan and many others, the unexpected Valentines text from Mummy, the pedobear agreeing to treat me to Starbucks and KOI... If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be smiling here right now. Thank you for everything.
...