The holidays are quickly coming to an end. Through this past month, there had been so much going on, and so much up and down’s to think about. It was basically a total mess and it was really hectic, however, it served as a great experience as well as a guide for me.

Firstly, TPCSC Volunteer’s Induction Camp was a blast! It was really unexpected to have met a few of my friends there, and that I’ve managed to make new friends despite my usual introvert behavior. On the first day, the trip to SWAMI home brought back many memories from the depths of my heart. It reminded me of why I had wanted so much to do all I could for them, and to help them to the best of my abilities. The day itself reminded me of so much, and had brought back both pleasant and unpleasant memories. Time really flies when you’re having so much fun, and before I knew it was time to turn in for the night. I couldn’t sleep though, the memories haunted me so much and I guess I just succumbed to it. My efforts to stay strong and not give in were deemed futile, and it took so much from me to keep from passing out in front of everyone. I was honestly grateful to everyone whom showered concerns for me, especially XiongXiong whom stayed up with me till four in the morning to comfort me. The heart to heart talk with him made me realize so much, as well as opened me up to him.

The second day was in itself a whole new experience for me, to have visited the Institute of Mental Health (IMH), and helped the patients living there. Though our actions were small and simple, I’m sure that these little bits of efforts would have made an impact for the patients, as well as for us. Anxious, anxiety, and fear were filling me on our trip there as I didn’t know what I was supposed to expect from there, but it was so much better than what I had expected, and I would really wish to be able to go back there and help them with all that I could. I was rather upset by the fact that I couldn’t enjoy the second day as much as I wanted to because I was still feeling nauseas and slightly light headed as if I could pass out anytime, but I pressed on and reminded myself that I couldn’t pass out, at least not in front of these people. All in all, the camp had opened me up to so much, helped me realize things about myself and the people around me.

Secondly, amidst the happiness and fun, lays the sadness and the pain. Being privileged to have made new friends, and to bond with them, it brought so much happiness to me. However, underneath the smiling façade, lays the tears stained from all the hurt. I’ve always been afraid to stand out, and be different. I didn’t want to feel like an outcast anymore. It’s lonely, and it hurts to know that everyone is judging you, for who you appear to be, from the rumors they heard about you, just because you stand out from the rest. It was hard for me to feel accepted, yet time and again, I felt as though it was all but a dream and pushed them away. I could never open up to people like how I did before. I cowered in fear of rejection and walled myself up from the world. Each time something nice happens, I couldn’t relish that moment, and instead wonder when will reality hit, and pull me back into the harshness and stab me over again. I thought I could mask up this hurt, but during the course of this camp, seeing how genuinely happy we could make the old folks, and the patients really brought me joy, and the late night conversation with him, made me realize that I was pushing everyone away, that I couldn’t muster enough confidence to do things despite the overwhelming need to.

Lastly, I would like to shout out to everyone who made an effort to comfort me and helped me through despite me pushing you guys away. Thank you for wanting to be my friend and accepting me for who I am. I’m very thankful for those who stayed with me and pushed me on when I really need it. Thank you for always being there for me.

To those from Socios: Thank you for all your concerns and help when I was sick on the second day. I really appreciated it and it was truly heartwarming to have felt that. You guys really made this camp one of the best experience I’ll ever have, and bonded with everyone really well. I hope that we’ll be able to keep in touch with one another. Each and everyone of you have made a huge impact on my life, and I’ll never forget this. Although the times we spent with one another wasn’t long, but it was the best few moments in my life. For being there for me, for being my friends, for making TPCSC Camp the best camp out there; THANK YOU!

To Xiong Xiong: Thank you so much for staying up with me till the wee hours of the morning, sacrificing your sleep just to make sure I was feeling better. Also thank you for sharing your experiences with me, and for listening to my problems. You’ve helped me realize a lot of things, and gave me advice on what I could do. Thank you for all your efforts and I promise you that I’ll change my habits, as well as look after myself better and make that few hours of ‘lecture’ worth it. I’ll do my best and not disappoint you and I’ll not put myself down anymore; I’ll boost my confidence level and make my way up, slowly but surely. For being a listening ear and sharing your stories, for being a wonderful senior and a brother to me; thank you so much for everything.