It’s that heavy feeling in your chest all over again. You know something is wrong. You know it, but just can’t place a finger on it. Everything is just falling out of place, and all you feel is that heavy feeling in your chest, an urge to just throw up and fall in bed leaving the world behind just for that instance. It’s just that spur of a moment that turns your whole life upside down, turning things sour.

Moments when you know that everything is wrong, all so wrong, yet there is hardly anything you could do to set things all right again. There isn’t a single person that you could turn to, not one you can share your problems with, no one. You’re all alone, just you. Sitting all alone on the couch, wishing someone was right next to you, wishing someone, anyone, was there to cheer you up, to lift your spirits, to lift that heavy feeling off your chest.

You’re still waiting. Waiting for that someone to come and ease you off your burdens. No one came. You realized the hard truths; you’re all alone, just like you’ve always been. Plastering a smile upon your face, pretending that you’re strong enough, ignoring the chaos outside, living in your own little space. That’s all that you’ve ever been. All that's all you’ll ever be.

It’s like magic. Just somehow, every day when you step out of bed, that smile is fixed, that strength is bestowed upon you, and the chaos just disappears. Like an everyday routine. You’re really tired of all this, that heavy feeling burns down on you, hard. It’s getting harder to breathe; you don’t know what to do anymore. Hoping for someone or anyone to lend you a helping hand, but none came. You couldn’t trust anyone. Everyone had once turned their back on you, you’re all alone. And that’s all you’ll ever be.

Drowning in the laughter and cries of others, you lose yourself even for that moment. Lost and wondering, you can’t escape. It’s getting harder and harder to breathe, it’s almost unbearable. You can no longer stand on your own two feet, you needed support. You wanted to hold on to someone, but you’re afraid of dragging them down along with you. You left them, and wondered off on your own, in your own misery. It hurts to be all alone, but you knew that this was your only choice.

You thought you could rely on someone dear. You thought things would take a turn for the better. You though… So much… But all failed your expectations. Hope is lost. You’re holding your breath, you don’t know what to do anymore. You give in to the temptations, to the pain, and the pleasure. And you wonder… When will all this end?

It’s hard to shut out the chaos, but you’ve learnt to live with it. Inside and out, it’s eating you away. It’s biting onto your scars, and wounds. Pain, hurt, misery, is all that you feel. You let go. You want to give up, but hears a distant voice calling you out. Giving you support. You feel almost better. But everything crashed when you realized it was all but a fragment of your imagination. You’re still alone. Everything around you is starting to fade off into the darkness. It’s eating you away, and you gladly let it take you away. You want this to end, you seek solace, but none was found.

You know just how much it hurts. It’s keeping you up at night, resorting to physical hurt to ease the pain. You know by now, you’ve lost yourself. Everything is lost. You’re falling back into the darkness you took great pains to climb out off. You let the darkness seep in, let it take you home, bring you back. You don’t care anymore. Nothing else matters.

Everything; is nothing but a memory from the past.