2012 JAE results came and struck me, hard. Like I've once again met with another dead end, in my never ending twisted maze. It’s as if that same ‘ole wall greets me over and over again, harder each time. Hurting more and more with each passing day. So much that I feel I needed release, release from all this, from all of reality. It feels as if it’s there, yet it isn’t. It’s this musky feeling that keeps pulling me back, that always restricts me from walk out of the shadows. I think I’m just afraid. Afraid of what’s happening, of what is to come. The fear pulls me back, and holds me in. I’m afraid that I’ll lose sight of the things that are important to me, again. I don’t wish to go through that ever again, I’m sorry.

This time around, I’m going to embrace all that comes my way. The happiness, the guilt, the pain, the fear, the sadness; I’m not letting myself lose sight of what’s important anymore. I don’t want to either. And I guess after all this, I’m still not going to be satisfied, but I’ll find my way around, I’ll make it through the raging storm.

And I know, it’s not going to be the end yet, I won’t give up just yet; I promise. So I’ll be embracing what comes my way, and taking my chances. I hope I won't regret this.