Only when the truth of the matter, the final acceptance that the whole situation becomes clear, then in which everything just collapse in. I can't think straight anymore.

Everything is a blur, even you. Even towards my feelings, I'm not very sure anymore. I promised you not to hurt myself. But just once, let me just hurt myself once. Just enough to just let me feel the pain, that I still feel something. Please?

It feels like I've fallen into the same 'ole hole, that I can't get out. Falling deeper this time, with no escape, edging closer to the concrete floor by the minute. Not knowing when or where I'll end up, but with no means of escape, I'll just have to brace this fear.

I'm used, torn, and worn out. I'll admit I'm not who I used to be anymore. I can't possibly be myself anymore. I've always deluded myself, saying it was all but a dream. But time and time again, I was proven wrong. I kept falling back to that moment. No matter what I do, or wish it will, it's still there. Not going away. I'm sorry.

Sorry that all I did was to hurt you. All I did was to cause you tears, hurt, wounds, loneliness, and pain. I'm not worthy of this, so much not.
When they say bad things happens one after another, I guess this is what they meant. Everything just falls apart. I don't know how much long can I hold up till, but I've got to last through it all. I need to make things right. If not for me, at least for you. I'm sorry.