Sorting out my thoughts, bit by bit, I realized it was hard to keep you off my mind. I never knew what to do whenever you’re close by my side, or whenever you’re being mentioned. It just throws my off guard completely. I’m sorry for what happened before. It hurt me to push you away, to ask you to leave, to make you hate me. I didn’t know what to do, but felt that it’ll be better for you if I asked you to leave. But I couldn’t. You always manage to find your way back in, to make me all weak over you. It didn’t occur to me then, that you meant so much more than what I always thought you’ll be to me.
With you, it’s almost as if I could forget everything else, and just be me.
As I’ve always mentioned before, “When you let go of someone, something else has to fill in the void that's left behind. Someone has to patch up the little pieces of your broken heart.” Perhaps, you’ve already patched up the little pieces of my broken heart, yet I was foolish to not realize that, and harp on the fact that the scars would never be filled completely and constantly push you away. I’m sorry.
I have so much to say… It'll probably never fit on this stupid screen. A long and heartfelt talk with YuanJin, brought me to realize so much, so much that I never knew would be, or even the slightest possible. I'm sorry I'm not the person you want me to be. I'm sorry I've made you sad. I'm sorry I messed up your life. Maybe you don't believe me, but I really am sorry.
I love you. And I’ll never be able to thank you enough for all that you’ve done for me. For all that we’ve been through. I know my flaws, I’m clumsy, foolish, annoying, naïve(I suppose), stupid, retarded, childish, simple-minded, the fact that I don’t take note of my surroundings, that I’m always making you worry… I’m trying to change. But a change, is never easy. It’ll take time, days, weeks, months, or perhaps even years; but I promise I would. I love you, and simply just you.