We are never who we seem to be, aren’t we? We plaster our faces with smiles and swallow down tears for fear of being raw and vulnerable, for fear of being ripped apart when we reveal who we truly are inside.

I’m afraid to open up to someone new, for reasons we all know. I know where I stand, and sometimes, I feel as if I don’t deserve all this. All the happiness that I’ve been feeling of late, all the little changes in life that makes life great. I don’t fucking deserve them. I fucked life up.

I don’t fucking believe in myself anymore, much less talk about believing in others. Yes, I do trust you, I believe that you meant well. But, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can never measure up. I was content on being a standstill, and watch things happen, and I let things get out of hand. It’s difficult, but I promise to make things right. For you, I’m willing to take that step forward, to change.

It’s not about him, it’s about me; you see. Maybe, I’m just never too comfortable being too attached. I don’t want to dive into the situation, and drown in it again. I can never be in complete acceptance of myself, I’m too messed up. I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t want to be this, negative. I promised you, woman, and everyone who cared, that I’ll do anything to make this stop. I’ll promise, that before anything, I’ll sort myself out.



Till I can be in full acceptance of myself, I’m sorry.
Dreaming dreams with so much faces and so much sadness that just seem to blur together into one huge mess when I wake up in the morning. I hope after tonight, everything will change, for the better.