Fuck. I hate life.
I was afraid to be vulnerable and I was afraid of you and the way that you made me feel. I'm still afraid.
It feels like I'm thorn apart, once again. Like I can't breathe again, feeling like the tears are constantly urging to burst out. As if everything I'm afraid for to happen is happening. I don't want to handle all these problems. It feels horrible. You know the feeling whereby tears just well up in your eyes, wanting to fall? Where you feel like puking at any instance, because you can't handle the stress? Like you're nothing, and you don't mean anything to anyone? I want to run away from reality, to get away from all these hurt, and hide. I don't want to be the one who gets hurt in the end, so I always run away from the problems at hand. I always fall short of expectations, nothing I do will compensate this. I guess, I really dont mean anything to anyone. It's better if I'm no longer around, if I'm no longer part of this. Because, I know, how easy it is to get hurt, how easy it is to get cast aside, and how easy it is to forget. 

Fuck. Why am I constantly hiding in my little shell of deception? I don't want to fake the smiles, and pretend I'm alright when I'm not. 

I just don't dare to trust anyone anymore. I'm afraid to get hurt again.