It's been 7 years, it's enough. I don't want to be the idiot, I don't want to suffer, I want to be myself. Be without him in my life. Is that so hard? Is that too much to ask for? Enough is enough. It hurts, so much that I want to scream it into your face. There’s so much that I wanted. So much... So much more than this.
As I contemplate each day in the comfort of my bed at night there is always something bothering me. It’s my futile attempts made at keeping promises and another day it’ll be my physical flaws or emotional burdens. Life threw unexpected situations and opportunities that I didn’t sign up for but I learned to suck it up and deal with it. I don’t want to roam through life without aim or goal and in some warped way or another, going through these challenges and trials helped me feel stronger and more purposeful. I couldn’t have made it without the people by my side (for which I’m so, so thankful for).
Fuck. I hate this feeling. Like I’m here, but I’m not. Like someone cares. But they don’t. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here.
Someday, I’ll move on, get on with life. Look back one day, and shout “I’ve made it through the all the shit that life throws at me.” I’m going to officially give up on you. Move on. It’s going to be one hell of a nightmare, and it probably won’t be as easy. But I’ll strive on. I can do it!