Everything is so messed up in my life. What am I supposed to do? Take all the blame? Be forwardly upfront about it? Ignorance? I didn’t choose this, I didn’t ask for it either. Selfishly saying things, make me the criminal, making me feel guilty of something I’m not even involved in?! Is this your idea of how one should care about others? Ugh, fuck. I promised not to feel so pessimistic again just less than a few hours ago, and now here, I’m feeling all so crappy and so fucked up.

Telling everyone about how I feel, would it change anything? Hiding in my little oasis, wouldn’t either. So there isn’t really any difference for me to choose either, the result will still be the same, the consequence will still suffice.

Why am I so fucked up? Why can’t I choose something better; or even to be able to choose?? Why can I not run away from my problems? Why? Why can’t I be just like any other teens? Why is life so fucking hard? Why am I faced with such problems? Why such a family?

Sometimes, I wish I could hide the way I feel. About you. About everything. It's not like my feelings would matter. Unless I died or something. You don't really miss things till they're gone, and you realize how much they mean to you.

For someone like me, asking for a little bit of happiness and joy… Is that too much to ask for? It this against the rules? Am I so much of an outcast? Feeling as if I’m caught up in my own breath, getting breathless; I don’t want to hide or cower away in fear, but what can I do?

I was stupid to think that you might stop and try to understand....