Not this time. Not anymore. I'm going to pretend that everything is just fine, and perfect, the way I hoped for it to be. Like the ideal situation whereby life is a pocket full of daisy. Tears, are by no means of which we classify as "happiness". You can say anything you want about me. Emo, pessimistic, negative, self-destructive, etceteras. Not as if I give a damn about what you think. Firstly, it's my life, not yours. Secondly, I don't fucking care. Thirdly, I believe in taking a stand. And here, where I am at, is where I stand.
I've told myself countless of times, that I must stay strong, and keep on moving forward. But it felt as if I'm stuck on time, here, unable to move on, to take that baby step, a necessity into a brighter future(?). Every night, I cry myself to sleep. I rack my mind about the mindless crap, the past, the reasons, and the days event. I know I shouldn't cry, shouldn't waste my tears on such a... Useless past. But i still do. I still weep in my misery, and sorrows. Asking myself, "What's the point?".
I need a move on, I need to keep going. I want to be able to smile and look back saying, "I was strong enough to break through the hard times." but I can't. And I know it. Everything that happened, I remember so vividly..
As the tears fall out of place, I realize the significance of the matter. I'm not a strong person, but I'm not weak either. I hardly cry over material things, simply because I thought it wasn't important enough. I hold back my tears, because I believe that the tears would only weaken me. I've got to stay strong, if not for anything, but for me! I vowed not to cry, to tear over such anymore.
I hope all these pays off. All the hardwork, all the effort, everything! When it's all down and under, I look up, smile and perhaps tell myself, "it's gonna be alright, everything gonna be alright."
Sigh, wishing that all this shit will come to an end, no, it's just me, I refuse to let it end, I refuse to separate myself from you, from the pain inside. Everything just like the way it should be, just like how any other would be. I'm the odd one out, I'm the standing lone person at the sidelines. Tempted for more, but refusal, betrayal, hurt, and mixed emotions, fall in step, into my pace, where everything is deluded, and secluded. Protected from the inside, hidden from the world. I want to shine! I want to fly free! To be me!
It's not enough for me to just smile, and pretend it's alright. I needed more! I know, greedy of me, but I wanted more! I wan to be more then just friends, to be more then just us.
You're different, unlike everyone else, but I'm not just me. Why is life so hard, so against me? Why am I such a coward?