Sometimes, I ask myself, “Is this worth the while?” And I tell myself, “No. Don’t waste it.”
But hey, when did you even care? YOU. DON’T. BLOODY. CARE.

I’m not the strong girl you once knew, I’ve changed. For better or for worst, lets’ just leave it. I must say, we’ve all moved on in our separate lives. I’ve also learnt to live without so much dependence on you. No. I just don’t bother with it anymore. You know something; I’m not doing well, not after you left, not once. I look at others and say, “they managed the shit in life, why not I?” I pretend not to care, you just didn’t see through my lie. YOU JUST DON’T BOTHER. SO WHY SHOULD I?

Leave it. I’m not going to be glad that you came back and say you’re sorry, or whatever. I’m not the same person I was a few years back. I’ve cried countless nights for your return, and for him to understand my unrequited ‘feelings’ for him. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THIS SHIT ANYMORE. Yes, I’m still upset about this, I still can’t get over this, but this, it’s no longer your concern, but mine, and mine alone. Let’s just phrase this nicely, like I always do, I’m breaking, and I’m not going to ass about it. Yes, at times, I just want to stop and yell to the world, how FUCKED up I am. And cry for days and nights, just to let it all out. I know damn well, I’m not the kind of person who’ll do this. No. I. Am. Not. And I won’t.

School? Don’t bother, It’s been a hell of a whirlpool(?). Blobbing up and down, left and right, but never getting it right. I feel the pressure everyone is getting, I know, I’m not alone in this. But I can’t help feeling alone. For whatever reason there may be, I feel stuffed, stressed. I don’t think I’m right for this job, for all of this. I’m not cut out for it. I’m just not. Say for example, Choir, I don’t think so, I’m not at my best, and I know it. I can’t help it. I. CANT. BLOODY. HELP. IT. I’ve had enough. All the bitching, and all this shit. GET OUT OF MY LIFE! I can’t keep my cool anymore. I’m trying. I’m FUCKING trying. I know you don’t like me the way I am, so excuse yourself, I’m not here to satisfy you. YOU HAVE YOUR PROBLEMS, I HAVE MINE! SO STOP COMPLAINING!

God, if you're up there, you're making a bloody joke of my life, aye? Must've thought it'd be ironic to land me in the same pathetic situation all over again. I just want to try living life without having to tell myself to breathe every now and then. It’s not too much to ask for, is it?

It’s hard to weigh my actions, against the consequences. I don’t want to fuel the problem, I maybe overreacting, but, I don’t want to regret my actions, when the time comes.