Things are.... just messed up.
Between us.
Everything.
What's the point of being friends?
I rarely talk to my friends.
And you know I want to be more than a friend.
I'll just hurt you again.
The same way I did before.
The same way I always do.
I know myself.
I don't trust myself.
Confidence doesn't change anything.
It's just who I am.
I just..... don't want to hurt you again.
I don't want to hurt you.... any more than I already have.
And yet of course I want us to be friends.
Best friends.
So much...
It's hard to weigh our friendship against the consequences.
I don't want you to hate me..
The moment your name was erased off the chat list on Facebook I felt as if
a part of me was lost again.
Maybe I'm overreacting.
But I just can't live without anything to lean on.
I feel like I'm falling.
Free fall through the dark.
And I'm afraid if I grab onto you I'll just drag you down with me.
I'll never be able to let go.
I have so much to say..
It'll never fit on this stupid screen.
You don't know how it feels like to want something so badly and yet,
force yourself not to reach out and grab it.
It's fucked up.